A Tart Choice
Instead of asking what makes you happy, perhaps the more crucial question is: what is your first choice?
Life, as we know, moves in cycles, and a significant realization for me was the potential harm in living as someone's second option, in settling for less than what truly resonates. This understanding solidified a core belief: despite my flaws, I'm grateful to have largely avoided the deep regret of accepting anything other than my genuine first choice. After all, the consequences of our choices are ours to bear.
This conviction extends beyond my own life. I could never knowingly inflict the pain of preventing someone else from experiencing the joy of being a first choice. The hurt and resentment that can fester in children born into a second-choice scenario are real and can have lasting effects. Their parents' underlying bitterness and dissatisfaction can unconsciously shape the lens through which these children view the world.
Consider relationships: while a rebound fling might be one thing, building a life and bringing forth new life from a foundation of being a rebound seems inherently problematic. Such a beginning can be difficult to overcome, potentially hindering genuine growth and fulfillment within the relationship and even passing a subtle, tart bitterness down to the children.
I believe this same principle applies to how we spend our time. It's vital to build a life where our deepest beliefs guide our daily actions. Identifying our primary aspirations and actively pursuing that path is essential, lest we inadvertently block someone else from their true calling.
It's not fair to blame a second choice for an unfulfilled life. Dissatisfaction often stems from denying our hearts the time to heal. Broken hearts, after all, tend to lead to broken choices.
This brings me to the "St. Eve's Granny Smith." This particular apple was seldom my first desire when I craved an apple. It was often consumed with lime and salt, a way to enjoy it because of a different craving, one that wasn't for the pure taste of an apple. While I enjoyed it, it wasn't my initial, true apple craving. Perhaps Eve could be considered a "saint" in the context of the Granny Smith, given the tart taste of being tempted by ego and hurt into desiring to appear more than her authentic self. This choice led to her being barred from the garden and losing access to the tree of everlasting life—the first choice. So, how do you like them apples?
